I’m announcing a career change today. This is abrupt and I haven’t been able to talk to my agent Sean about it yet but I’m sure he will understand.
I’ve decided to become a Literary Agent for dogs and Cats.
The following is a short interview with me conducted by a blog focused on trends in American Letters.
Ann – First off Mark, thank you for taking the time to sit-down and talk about this exciting new chapter in your haphazard career.
M – You could say I’m good at sitting and staying!
Nervous, excited laughter.
Q – This seems rather preposterous, do dogs and cats need a literary agency?
A – As everyone knows dogs and cats produce over 45% of the content read on the Internet and they aren’t being paid what they deserve.
Q – Do you have proof of this?
A- Just last week a cat, Mr. Mousekins, wrote a spectacular, sprawling piece about the history of Belgian Endive for a literary focused weekly (which will go unnamed) and do you know what Mr. Mousekins was paid? A can of Fancy Feast and two crocheted mouse toys.
Q – That’s an outrage! Do you represent Mr. Mousekins now?
A – You better believe it. And he ain’t working for Fancy Feast no more.
Q – I’ve never heard of a cat or dog writing a book. I read Marley and Me but that was clearly written by John Grogan, now you say differently?
A – That was written in third person omniscient by Marley.
Q – Is it true you are also going to represent possums?
A – That’s ridiculous. Possums can’t write.
Q – That’s not what I heard.
A- No really, they literally can’t write. Can’t hold pencils. No concentration.
Q – I think everyone knows about ‘I’m Not Dead Yet’, the break-out bestselling novel by Fenimore Bite who is plainly identified as a possum on the jacket flap.
A – Most of us ‘in the business’ know that was a book written by Shadow.
Q – You mean a shadow writer?
A – No. I mean Shadow. A four-year-old long haired German Shepard mix. And the first client I signed.
Q – Well, thank you Mark for the insights into this new trend in the literary world. Do you have any parting advice? Are you open for submissions?
A – Thank you Ann. My advice is: if you know a canine or feline with a literary bent, encourage them. Give them plenty of positive reinforcement and treats. Granted felines are more likely to write in secret, in the attic, but they too will respond if you are willing to give them an occasional grooming. But not too much or they’ll bite you. I am open to submissions. I just remind canine and feline authors to proofread their work and if I see too many paw prints upon a submission, honestly, I just send it back. I don’t read it.
Q – Thank you again Mark!
A – No, thank you. Really. Will you buy me lunch for doing this interview?