And now a bi-weekly adventure yarn!
Meet F.H. Longwell. A man near-and-dear to me who along with Tipton, his rock-steady manservant, didn’t for a moment let his ignorance stop him. Blessed with an ego of cosmic scale the world was his to explain, enumerate and catalog – all the while getting most everything wrong. The diary excerpts are his, the footnotes mine.
F.H. Longwell III was a gentleman explorer, a renowned naturalist and a scholar who traveled with his manservant Tipton on behalf of The World’s Most Curious Curiosities Museum in the early hours of the 19th century.
June 2nd, 1830
This adventure begins with an ending. Tipton (1) and I finally ended our 7-month search for the lost island of Atlantis. Lost island indeed. We never found it. (2) After a series of particularly ugly engagements with locals who had little interest in hosting us, or hearing our puppet shows (3) we fled west. It wasn’t long before we saw sandy beaches. This was lucky as our boat, The Floating Toad, wouldn’t have remained seaworthy much longer.
It was sprouting more leaks than Tipton could handle. He was drinking nearly 10 gallons of seawater a day from the boat just to keep us afloat. Once on the beach Tipton let out a welcoming scream. Interested locals, but not a single elephant, soon surrounded us. At least these folks seemed friendly enough. Break out the puppets I yelled to Tipton. The locals are in for a treat tonight!
1- Tipton was F.H. Longwell III’s trusted manservant. Documents demonstrate that Tipton was rescued from a burning orphanage as a toddler by F.H. Longwell II. The senior Longwell decided that the orphan would make a good companion for his 5 year old son F.H. Longwell III. There is no further documentation concerning Tipton’s origins.
2- See Adventure # 8, “Longwell Finds Atlantis” and Adventure 9, “Maybe Not.”
3- Longwell was infamous for his belief that upon first meeting a never met peopleage it was best to open with a puppet show. From his travels along the Cuanza River he shares this account: (See Adventure #2: Lion Here, Lion There, Lions Everywhere! HELP!) “The locals demanded that we perform the puppet show again and again. And again. Until Tipton and I collapsed from exhaustion. When we awoke the population was gone and, in accordance with their greatest honor, we were tied soundly upon a large mound that turned out to be a flesh devouring fire-ant nest. Tipton took the brunt of the attack and I dare say those ants learned a thing or two about slapping that day.”