I love getting emails from Facebook like, “We’ve missed you. You’ve missed a lot of great stuff that’s been going on.”
Really? Missed me? I’ve missed out on ‘great stuff”?
I don’t think anyone missed my posting about what I had for lunch the other day. (by the way it was Cheetos and water and some Ritz crackers left in the bottom of an old lunch bag.) And I could have updated my status but you know I was also thinking about what I do. Literally, thinking about the work I do. I could have posted something like, “Been sitting here for an hour, staring at the computer monitor trying to figure out why this book outline sucks.” But instead I was, you know, thinking and working on it.
And as far as them saying I’ve been missing-out on stuff –that’s impossible. Are they saying that whatever it was that was posted is GONE NOW FOREVER. Let me explain this thing called The Internet – Every stupid thing that’s on it will still be there, somewhere, till the Earth is swallowed-up by the sun. I will be able to read everything posted (ever posted!) for as long as I live. Hell, long after I’m dead people will be able to scroll though my Facebook posts and see that on October 1st, 2012 I LIKED a picture of my friends dog. You can’t MISS anything. It’s a version of hell actually. No matter how Facebook wants to treat this like a feature, I know it’s a bug. Why would the universe WANT all this crap stored – FOREVER? It’s a bug.
I already waste time with this blog. I don’t know why. And it’s embarrassing to try and make up answers when people ask, “Why do you have a blog? Do you think I should keep a blog? What do you talk about on your blog?”
How dumb blogs are?
But my blog is MY blog. I can post once a week. Twice. I can ignore it for a month…no one cares.
And at least my blog doesn’t write me idiotic e-mails telling me I should post more. “Hey Mark! I’ve missed you. You only posted once last week. Don’t you like me? Come on back!”
I know, I know. Facebook doesn’t have anything to make money from if people don’t constantly provide it with fresh content. So yeah, I get it. If all those Facebookians want to buy new cars I better get back there and post more. After all, I wouldn’t want to hurt Facebook’s feelings. Or miss out on stuff that…can never, ever be missed out on.
Facebook is like a Ferris Wheel ride…it’s interesting at first. It’s amusing. Wow. Look at all those roofs. But now 7 minutes have passed and we are still going…now 30 minutes. You start to yell. But everyone just smiles back at you. 39 hours later the novelty is gone. But the puking has really kicked in. And this Ferris Wheel NEVER ENDS. It never stops. The Ferris Wheel operators have your credit card and they just keep swiping it. And once in a while they yell as you WIZZ by, “Isn’t this awesome! Don’t you want to keep going?!” And you yell, “NO! Please if there’s a God above, no, stop!” And the operators just give you that finger pointed to the ear gesture like they can’t hear you.
Something like that…And this will be cross posted to Facebook. So there you go…